Why Can't We Just Get Along?

Why can't we just get along? All around us we see the signs of intolerance. In Northern Ireland, religious intolerance has led to a long history of strife between Catholics and Protestants. In Western Africa, racial intolerance has led to tribes that have been killing each other for hundreds of years. In the nations of the Horn of Africa – Ethiopia, Somalia and the Sudan – ethnic cleansing are still leaving thousands dead. In Iraq and Lebanon and the Gaza Strip, Sunni and Shia militias are killing each other every day.

In our own country, there are plenty of signs of intolerance. We can point to signs that we are overcoming the evils of racial prejudice, but our inner cities and schools are still starkly segregated as minorities struggle to overcome the traps of poverty and crime. Our political debates often descend into shouting matches, or “shock jocks” spewing hatred, whether it be Abortion, public health care, conservative vs liberal or the growing anti-war protests.

Amid the din of the screaming and yelling people call for tolerance. “Why can't we just get along?” “Live and let live!” Can't we just put our differences behind us and live together?

What is tolerance really? It is the act of ignoring our differences in order to accomplish another goal. Often that goal is simply peaceful coexistence. At other times, it might be an economic goal. We may overlook (tolerate) the inhumane working conditions imposed by a trading partner, if that partner will provide with cheaper goods and services than we can obtain from someone of higher ethical standards. We imagine that, if we would just be tolerant, then we could live with each other in wonderful peace. After all, no two human beings look at the world through exactly the same set of eyes. Marriage is a prime example of the need for tolerance. Does it really make that much difference if the toothpaste is squeezed from the end or in the middle, or if the toilet paper roll comes over the front or down the back?

However, there are times when the differences are just too big to ignore. Perhaps the most obvious example of the failure of tolerance and was that shown by the governments of Britain, France and Italy in the Munich Agreement of September 1938. Rather than recognizing Hitler and the threat he posed, the leaders of the day decided to tolerate his actions as he began to re-arm Germany, if only he would promise to be nice. When Germany invaded Czechoslovakia, the British Prime Minister Chamberlain was still not prepared to take the country to war over “..a quarrel in a far-away country between people of whom we know nothing.” As a result, Hitler drove all of Europe, and ultimately much of the rest of the world into the horrors of World War II.

I remember a time when drunk driving was tolerated by our culture. Sure, people knew it was “wrong”, but for the most part, people treated it as a joke. Then, along came Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. They were MADD, and they were no longer going to tolerate the slaughter of their children! Between MADD and other organizations like that, they shook up our nation, and changed fundamental attitudes in our culture about drinking and driving.

We can think of Civil Rights leaders throughout our own history – heroes who would not stand by and tolerate the evils of prejudice and segregation, risking their lives to fight for justice and equality. Martin Luther King was not a “tolerant” man. Rosa Parks decided she would no longer tolerate being told to go to the back of the bus, and almost ignited a war, but in the end, her action proved to be a turning point for an entire nation.

There are some evils that we cannot turn our backs on and pretend they do not exist. If it's just the toothpaste, then the value of harmonious living far outweighs the value of having the tube squeezed the “right” way. In other cases, it is simply the realization that beating someone over the head is often counterproductive, and more can be accomplished by reasonable discussion. The Crusades were a short victory, but ultimately accomplished few lasting results, other than creating a deep seated hatred between Eastern and Western cultures. However, there are still things worth believing in, and even fighting for.

The reason why intolerance causes so much of a problem in society is that it usually degrades first of all into a “Us vs. Them” attitude, and from there into a hatred of those who are different from us, or those who have different purposes and priorities than we do. Intolerance is often based on ignorance.

If tolerance in itself is not the answer then, what is?

The first thing we must do is determine in our own minds what is important to us, and what isn't. What we stand for, and why? We must understand though, that almost all issues are complex, and do not lend themselves to simple black and white solutions.

But then, once we know what we really believe in, we still need to hold on to the basic dignity of each human being, even when they disagree with us on those important things. In part, it is a matter of respect. If I believe something, then I must, by definition, believe that I am correct. However, we must understand though, that the issues we struggle with are complex, and do not lend themselves to simple black and white solutions. I must also realize that I don't know all the answers, that I don't even know all the facts, and I could be wrong. Even if I'm not wrong, there is still an opportunity to learn from that other person.

For example, I call myself a Christian. I believe in the literal life and work of the man Jesus Christ, and the factual accuracy of the Bible. This is a belief that I would die for. However, that doesn't mean I cannot tolerate the presence of other religions. This country was based on the concept of religious freedom, not because the founders thought that religion was not important, but because they believed in the basic dignity of the individual, that truth is not found through intimidation, threats or coercion, and that each man and woman must seek this truth on his or her own.

There is an old proverb, attributed to Native American tradition, that you should never judge a man until you have traveled a mile in his moccasins. Many raging arguments would take on a decidedly more peaceful tone if the two sides would take a moment to look at the issue from the other person's perspective. It is an interesting exercise to try to debate a topic... from the other person's point of view. It forces you to look through the other person's eyes. It might not be enough to make you change your mind, but it can give you a respect for where the other person is coming from.

There are so many things which make us different as individuals. In many cases, we can learn to appreciate and enjoy those differences, though sometimes we may have to learn to just ignore them in order to be able to live and work together. In some cases though, the differences will be significant, and cannot be glossed over. However, even in these cases, we can still learn to respect one another. If we take the time to overcome ignorance, and try to understand the issues from the other person's perspective, then even in our struggles for the truth, we can learn from each other, and all be wiser for the experience.